Anticipating for My Angel, Gabriel

It is only about 1 mth away, before I would see the face of my second angel...

Like my first one, this pregnancy feels like eternity. But this time round, the pregnancy is pretty smooth. I don't feel as tired, or so cumbersome. My tummy is smaller and much more compact, and there weren't any brown pigmentation on my face. The blemishes in my first pregnancy were so bad, that they made me looked like a sixty year-old aunty. I had to remove the blemishes surgically, after I have given birth to her. This time, my skin also glows and my hair looks silky. No wonder, people always tell me that having a boy during pregnancy makes the mummy looks pretty!

These aside, I couldn't help but a bit apprehensive about the pending arrival of Gabriel. While I am happy I am having a second kid, I wonder if I have the energy and time to cope with another kid. As it is now, I felt that Chevonne is taking a lot of my time away... or rather, should I say, I could not give as much time to her as I would love to. I am especially apprehensive about having to go thru all the toils and pains again, to take care of newborn and to breastfeed again. I did waiver in my thoughts about breastfeeding again, as all I can remember from ,my last experience, were sleepless nights, restless days, engorgement pains, the torture of blocked milk ducts,and not to mention the fever that comes with engorgement.

It really scares me to think I have to go thru these again. For selfish reasons, mainly to keep myself sane and happy, I thought of not breastfeeding Gabriel. Then again, my hubby said this wouldn't be fair to the baby, and I would be stripping him of all the great benefits of breast milk. Sigh! Why do we mothers have to make so much sacrifices in order to give the best for our kids? Seems like the answer is obvious.... we don't have a choice, and even if we do, we usually let our kids' interest to prevail over ours at the end of day.

Nonetheless, I tell myself that I will go easy this time. Hopefully second time would mean I will be more physically and mentally adept in coping with the stress. If breastfeeding is going to cause me depression, I think I will stop. I believe it is more important for Gabriel to have a happy mummy who can spend good time with him, than a mummy, because of depression, begin to see and treat him like a burden rather than a bundle of joy ( this is really how I saw Chevonne in the first two months, when I was in postnatal blues due to weariness).

Next thing on my mind is sibling rivalry. I wonder how Chevonne will cope with the arrival of her brother. I am taking heed of a friend's advice, to buy a present for Chevonne, and to present it to her as a gift from her little brother when he comes to this world. They said this would help to create good impression she will have of her brother, and to foster the bonding between them. Of course, that is only the beginning, I really hope she will not get too jealous as she sees I am spending so much time taking care of him, and learn to love and accept him as her dear little brother in no time.

I have been rather relaxed in this pregnancy somehow. By the time I was at this stage in my last pregnancy, I would have bought hundreds of baby clothes for Chevonne. But this time I do not. I barely shopped for babies' stuffs, let alone the clothes. I did try to wander at the baby dept a few times, but I usually ended up buying nothing. I think the main reason is that boy's clothes are really boring, they are not as cute or interesting as girls'. Also, I guess this time I have better control of myself in spending, after I have learnt my lesson that I have spent too much money on too much clothes and Chevonne outgrown them before she could wear it all!

Knowing I am a little too relaxed, and feeling a little guilty over it, I made it a point to shop at Robinsons with my hubby today. We bought some new Avent's teats, Similac milk powder, Mamy Poko New Born diapers, SebaMed baby bubble and 2 sets of boy's clothes. Now I feel a little better for doing something for Gabriel, although it wasn't as much as for Chevonne. :P

Now I am just counting down to the days... I really can't wait to pop. I may be thinking too much now. Who knows, the moment I sees his face, all my heart goes out to him and that makes me, without having any second thoughts at all, wanting to give him the best I ever could! ;)