New Year, Old Me

Looks like it's high time I should be renaming my blog's title... cos I am no longer a new mother, and my "baby" is coming to 2 in 4 mths time.

I am not sure how many mothers out there feel the same way as I do. I feel a big difference in my physique, looks and mentality, eversince I have become a mom.

Thanks to the big M-- Motherhood, that is. (not McDonald's, in case you are thinking.)

I feel...

Older. I chanced upon my old photos taken 4 yrs ago during honeymoon and I got a shock. I looked so much younger then. Now I look and feel like a 40 year old auntie. (Anyway, that's not too far way since I am now in mid thirties. What a scary thought!) :(

Tired. I always have this tired look on my face and it really makes me look like an old hag. I dunno why. Even though my life now is not as tough as those times when Shiya was a baby, I still feel very tired, as if energy has been completely sapped out of me. (I wonder how I can ever cope if I were to have another baby.)

Fatter. The fat never seems to go away. Not that I have been working hard to lose the weight, I somewhat hoped that it would go away on its own. (Now I truly understand what "fat hope" means.)

Nonetheless, not all are bad, eventhough most women would have considered those things the end of the world.

I also feel...

More... more responsible. Without Shiya, I can do anything I want, with little or no consequence to anyone. But now, there is this little one that depends on me for almost everything. Everything I do, I have to think through more thoroughly before making any decision cos it will affect her in ways more than one. Everything I say, I have to be watchful, cos no one knows what she is going to learn from me, or the hurt she could feel when I hurl words out of anger. Until the day she is old enough, I have accepted the fact that this will be the way for a long, long time. So in a way, you can say I have lost my "self" to motherhood.

More... tolerant. With a small kid who is completely clueless about consequences, my patience has been tested day in and out, especially when I was a SAHM for 6 mths. So you can say, I have her to thank for "training" my patience and tolerance.

Much more.. happy. Nothing beats seeing my little angel after a hard day's work. No matter what happens at work or how bad they are, getting home to see my angel beats all the blues away. She always remind me: Work is just work, home is where happiness is. Hallelujah! :)

Now, let me march on to 2007 with more gusto for motherhood!